The third time Marlene stole my wedding ring, I decided maybe it was time to leave.

from "Petty Larceny"

"I guess eating yourself technically is cannibalism," remarked Doctor Wilding, "but other issues are involved here."

from "Food for Thought"

In his third month of psychoanalysis, Rupert Schnayer brought a laugh track to his Wednesday session.

from "Laugh Track"

When I think of Duff, I think of the itchiness of everyday life and the scratchiness of certain individuals.

from "Portrait of Duff"

I was talking with the woman I call my wife because that's what she is most of the time.

from "Visiting the Bastards"

"So, are you going to leave for good. Or for evil?"

from How to Cope with Suburban Stress

When I was eleven, my father turned into a gorilla.

from "Breakfast of Champions"

In old age, what's hard, softens; what's soft, hardens.

from "Receding Portrait"

"Where did I go wrong? Where, what happened, and why me?"

from Where I Went Wrong