• Jill and I watched from the back-row bench as Charlie drove a whining electric car back and forth across the stage, finally exiting at a rakish left angle.

    — opening to “Educating the Animals,” from My Date with Neanderthal Woman

  • When I think of Duff, I think of the itchiness of everyday life and the scratchiness of certain individuals.

    — opening to “Portrait of Duff,” from My Date with Neanderthal Woman

  • “My sweater is broken,” said Natasha.

    — opening to “Natasha,” from My Date with Neanderthal Woman

  • The third time Marlene stole my wedding ring, I decided maybe it was time to leave.

    — opening to “Petty Larceny,” from My Date with Neanderthal Woman

  • The work’s simple and repetitive, pick up the trash, pick up the trash, pick up the goddamn trash.

    — opening to “Waste,” from My Date with Neanderthal Woman

  • At age thirty, Daryl knew that his marriage was the best thing that ever happened to him. At age forty, he felt the same about his divorce.

    — opening to “With,” from My Date with Neanderthal Woman

  • I guess eating yourself technically is cannibalism,” remarked Doctor Wilding, “but other issues are involved here.”

    — opening to “Food for Thought,” from My Date with Neanderthal Woman

  • The Bar None in Bend, Idaho, has a welcoming committee of one drunk blonde named Elma, smarter than you think, who works on her comeback lines the way some women work on their nails.

    — opening to “Returns,” from My Date with Neanderthal Woman

  • Amy was conceived by two irresponsible individuals, Doug and Dora, during a commercial break in Superbowl XIII.

    — opening to “Question Authority,” from My Date with Neanderthal Woman

  • The young man placed his hands over the table, as if blessing the ham biscuits, deviled egg plate, pasta salads, green bean casserole, cocktail shrimp and at least a dozen other dishes.

    — opening to “All You Can Eat,” from My Date with Neanderthal Woman

If you’ve reached this web page, you’re either curious about the writings of David Galef, in search of a cheap laugh, or terminally confused—maybe all three. This website might help with all these issues and even cure persistent insomnia. Or it might do nothing for you at all. But at least give it a chance. It’s got author information, books on display, writing samples, and more. In short (sigh), it’s the usual author website. You know what to do. Start scrolling and clicking. Any questions, you know who to contact. Whom to contact.

Sincerely,

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David Galef